so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
