like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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