dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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