I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
