I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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