Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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