you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
