I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
