that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
