when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
