Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
