that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
