there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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