he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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