im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
