It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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