you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
