Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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