Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
