Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
