Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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