did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
