i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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