I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
