The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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