You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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