you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
