A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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