SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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