He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
