At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
