Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
