thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
