Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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