my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
