just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
