Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
