her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
