...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pants are for mortals
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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