At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
