i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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