just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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