New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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