i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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