I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
