this boner is exhausting
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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