at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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