Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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