Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
