NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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