I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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